same shit everytime

hais isit possible to take control of everything?life,decisions,my feelings,the truth,the lies and you?would i be able to change all the imperfections in my life?well i guess a lil would be okay but what bout the big ones,the problems that never stop to scare me till it became a fear that made the reasons for me to shed tears everynight.the complications that frustrates me that make me feel insecure bout everything.the feeling of loosing my loved ones in a sec cause of a terrible mistake i make.what if it is you i lost due to this.due to the hurricane in my mind that stops me from thnking straight and i say one word.one word that lead to nomore you in my life EVER!the what ifs that pop up once in a while just to scare me and theres noone to asure me that everything is fine that evrything is okay.not even you.hmmmmmm terrible moods digust me.tsk